Holiday Hepatitis

I think the concept of spreading holiday cheer is fantastic. But really, a smile and a nod here and there is about all anyone should be spreading. You can compliment me on the fine purchases in my basket. You can gaze adoringly at my ultra hip outfit (that I don't own...) You can even comment on my darling children. Unfortunately for me, the lady ringing me up at Hobby Lobby the other day did not get the memo. She was all too willing to share that which should not be shared.

I brought my big stack of card stock to the counter and told her how many I had. She said "I have to count them." Whatever- just get on with it because there are 65 sheets of card stock and 15 people in line behind me.

Let me just preface the rest of this situation with saying that I don't consider myself a germ-a-phobe. I can leave a public restroom without having to hold the door handle with a paper towel. I can walk around in a hotel room without socks on. I have even occasionally been known to share a toothbrush with Dave. Okay, that's kind of gross and I don't do it on a regular basis but desperate times call for desperate measures. I always say too much, don't I?

The first sign of trouble came when this employee opened her mouth and lifted her big fat thumb toward it. I was like "You ARE NOT about to lick my card stock". Freak. That is exactly what she did. Lick 1-2-3 Lick 1-2-3 Lick 1-2-3. This went on for quite a while because hello, I had a few pieces of card stock. If you would like to put me in a bad mood, just start licking my card stock. You work at a craft store for crying out loud! Figure it out. You do not, under any circumstance, compromise craft items about to be purchased by another individual with bodily fluid of any kind EVER.

I guess you're wondering what I did. Did I fly off the handle in a raging tirade? Did I smack her across the face? (That would have been so Hollywood. Love the drama.) Did I scream "You're an idiot, you paper licking freak!"? I would like to say that I did. I would also like to say that I demanded my money back and walked away in a big fat huff. Instead, like the pansy that I am, I stared her down with the dirtiest look I had the energy to give her. Which really, #1- I have no energy and #2- I was trying to manage Livvy and be angry. Not easy. But just so you know, I do have some pretty good dirty looks- I have been complimented on the faces that I can pull- I have a natural talent, it's effortless.

So whatever. I took my saliva soaked paper home. But don't think they won't be getting a phone call from me.

I really just wanted to post this to get you all excited to receive a Christmas card from us. Ha! For neighbor gifts this year, forget the "Merry Kissmas" with a bag full of Hershey kisses and "We whisk you a Merry Christmas" with a wire whisk attached. We will just be passing out Holiday Hepatitis cards- just spreading some holiday cheer. Please be sure to answer the door when we come by.