My kids. I love them. A lot. But do I like them? That's questionable. I just got done emtying pee out of the garbage can and wiping up the floor. He didn't even try to go in the toilet. He told Dave that the garbage can was his toilet. Right kid. This is only an hour after I got done sitting my rear on a wet toilet seat. Apparently aiming is optional in the world Taylor lives in. Pee. All. Over. The wall behind the toilet, the side of the garbage can, the floor. And of course I didn't notice until my butt was already wet. Too much information? Maybe.
Yesterday I finally got around to assisting Taylor in cleaning up the mess they made while Dave and I were glued to the T.V. during The Office last Thursday. At one point during the show we could hear them laughing like crazy. I turned to Dave and said, "That can't be good." However, during The Office, we can't be bothered. After both kids came running downstairs with a green hi-lighter, colored from head to toe (circles drawn around their eyes even), we decided pausing the show might be in our best interest. We put the little monsters to bed. After The Office ended, we headed upstairs to yet another of the many nightmares my children randomly throw at us. After being tucked in, they found a jar of vaseline and proceded to give Taylor's room a good lube. Everywhere. All over the books. Sheets. Toys. Walls. Each other. Grrrr...
Today at my mom's house they emptied a bottle of shampoo all over her bathroom. Olivia has been into the toilet twice in the last 24 hours. Sara tantrumed and banged her head on the floor for a good hour today and has a lovely goose egg on the back of her head to prove it.
In moments like these I do what any good and rational mother would do. I take the kids to get their flu shots.
I know a trip to the Caribbean isn't happening any time soon but lucky for me, I have a date with Dave tonight. The rugrats are off to terrorize my mom. Love those grandparents!
7 comments:
Well, now I know how it feels to be on the other end of it. I think this "journey" is some sort of sick initiation into parent hood. Two years ago when my boys decided to paint Brandon's room with pink primer I was furious, everyone else seemed to think it was hularious. I can now say (because it never made any permanent damage I'm sure) that looking back at it, it was pretty funny...never tell them I said that. If it makes you feel any better we ended up having to sand and repaint the trim board in my boys bathroom because their aim into the toilet was so perfect. Ryan and I personally think they think it's funny to aim all over.
Um. It's never too soon for another vacation. Then you can hear how funny they are from far away, miss the awful stuff they do briefly and then think of how wonderful they are.
Maybe you're glad you only have one boy. I can clean the bathroom only to come in five minutes later and see a little puddle. I've had that same trick pulled on me with the garbage can (just throw it in the dishwasher). I've had poop smeared all over a bedroom wall. I've also sat on a wet toilet seat. Taylor just came out of my bedroom yesterday bragging that he peed over my seat without getting a drop on it, even after I yelled at him to put the seat up. They put stickers all over EVERYTHING. I don't think any of them know how to properly wipe, because underwear are always scary.
It's a good thing they start as babies that have accidents so that we aren't suddenly stuck with the sticky, smelly little boys they turn into. Did I say stuck? Blessed.
I'm feeling really guilty that I couldn't babysit for you the other night. Please take another date night......seriously I had anxiety after ready that post....I was also laughing....and a little scared to have children. Maybe I will move into a house made of plastic so that I can just power wash the house down every night...
I highly recommend the power wash- for the kids too.
I almost peed my pants reading this!
Oh my. I must say that I would never wish that on you, however I feel like I am the only one sometimes, so it is nice to hear your stories to know that I am not! One day I decided to trust my child with the TV while taking a shower. HAHAHAHA even though it was the fastest shower of my life, I came out (I just wrapped in a towel and ran out fast) and he had dumped 1/2 the Costco sized olive oil all over my slate floor.... not just in my kitchen. I have tile all the way from my kitchen to the other side of the house and there were little footprints the whole way. I wanted to kill him so instead I locked him in his room and mopped the floor (which did no good, ps). It took months for the floor to look normal again (the footprints were out faster though, thank goodness....). SO I can relate! I just know I am in trouble...
Oh yeah and I am wishing that the walls in the bathroom were tile and there was a drain on the floor-- you know, wash like at the cannery when it is clean up time!
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